Yes, it's part of having kids and it might be selfish of me, but I'm just no good for them the next day when I haven't had any good quality sleep. Plus, I am now sick and I'm an even worse mom while I'm sick because I'm just out for a day or two. It's days like these that I wish Matthew took a bottle so I could just rest up!
When we had little Matthew I was so surprised because he slept so well ever since he was born. I was all prepared for the horrible, sleepless nights of newborns, but those never came...
until now.
I am exhausted, tired, and a little confused as to why he has started waking up a lot at night. So, I figured, who reads blogs...MOMS! If you've got any advice, I will seriously read it and consider it!
- "Who, us? We would never wake Mom up!"
Here are a few facts to consider:
1) Matthew is probably close to 20 pounds at just 4 mos, so I decided to start rice cereal at night to try and help him sleep longer periods of time. He does constantly grab our spoons and food and try and shove it in his mouth, but I'm not ready to let him start real baby food yet.
- The first bite! Yum!
2) We swaddle him. He has always done well swaddled, but lately he has been fighting it and trying to get his arms out. Last night we didn't swaddle him and it was a total disaster!
3) We moved him to his own crib because we felt like we were disturbing his sleep (like alarms going off, Jordan getting paged in the middle of the night, those kinds of things)
4) I started a diet 2 weeks ago and within just a few days noticed my milk supply had dwindled down to almost nothing! I took it easy for a few days and nursed him like crazy to get my supply back up. This is when he started waking up to eat because he wasn't getting enough to keep him satisfied through the night.
The problem is now resolved, I begrudgingly got off my diet and things are back to normal, so I know he's getting enough milk!
5) He just learned to roll over this week and he also discovered his feet so I'm wondering if he's just so into his environment and becoming more alert that it's harder for him to want to sleep really well?!
5) I'll freely admit this: I'm so terrified of this turning into a 9 month long sleep deprived problem like we had with John Michael. I was almost in tears last night (I'm sick as a dog right now, by the way) just remembering how sleepy and tired I was because JM never slept for close to 9 months. I know I cannot go down this road again and I want to try and get this solved now!
6) Personally, we are not big fans of letting them cry it out at night at such a young age. They're just so little and it breaks our hearts! Also, we're not big fans of rigid scheduling (except for naps, of course) for our babies!
I'm pretty good after I finally get good and awake in the morning and I roll over and look at him (he's usually in bed with me by this point!) and he smiles and coos and plays. It's hard to be mad at him at all! On really bad nights I've gotten up at : 12, 2:30, 3 or 4, 5 or 6 and then it's time to get up for the day!
Do you have any advice?! I figure real moms know about getting their babies to sleep. I've never been a big fan of parenting books so we just don't own any and I usually don't read too many of them! I'm hoping I can rest this weekend while Jordan is home to help with everything and that I'll be better in a few days! Now, I'll just sit back and let all your worldly advice come to me!
17 comments:
I guess I qualify as a "real mom" so I will give some advise.
1. we have all been there, to some extent - some are blessed with really "good" babies that sleep wonderful from the start.
2.most parents have trouble in one way or another with sleep issues - probably the #1 frustration of parenting
3. at this point, the most important thing is to get some rest - the old saying "when Mom is not happy, no one is" has a lot of truth to it
4. co-bedding is an option - lots of people have plenty of opinions about this, pro and con - but at least you can get some sleep
5. SOME crying that is carefully supervised is probably going to have to happen - as long as you are sure that the baby has no PHYSICAL need that needs attention, and they are just fighting going to sleep and not liking being physically removed from the parents
6. visits to the nursery for reassuring words and pats if the baby is crying - depending on the age of the baby, you just have to use your mother's heart as to how long you would let the baby cry at a time
7. crying periods usually get longer, louder and more traumatic-seeming for awhile, then gradually they begin to subside, until they diminish
8. it is almost like you have to train them to learn to sleep, but with much love and overseeing
9. realize this is a phase and with work, it too shall pass
10. RELAX - babies pick up on stress and nervousness in the parents, especially the nursing mother - and don't begin to resent the time spent nursing - it will be over before you know it and it should be relished and savored like a good book or wine - it will be the best memories of your infant - don't be in such a hurry with daily pursuits, just enjoy your babies, let some things go, because "babies don't keep"!
I hope I have been of some help. It hurts me to hear you so anguished. And if anyone disagrees with anything I have listed here, please feel free to write your own thoughts. They may be more helpful than mine.
Good Luck, y'all can do this!
Oh yeah, one more thing, precious daughter. Remember that "fear" is of the Devil, not from God. Turn this problem over to the Lord, let Him take the burden, and then be open to what he may be trying to tell you to do with His precious little lamb, Matthew.
Love to all of you!
Sorry, but one more thing. CALL THE LACTATION NURSE/CONSULTANT!!! He is such a big boy, you may need some extra advise on how to handle his feeding and rapid
growing situation.
I agree with your mom:) I have read your blog but never commented. I have two girls one who will be 5 in May and the other who just turned 1. It is so hard to hear them cry it out and while we took bits and pieces from Babywise we never took the book to the extreme. We allowed our girls to fuss it out, but of course if they are geting too upset going in and comforting them and making sure all needs are met is how we handled it. And you may be surprised when they "fuss it out" he may catch on quickly and in a weeks time you will be glad you did it:) But its also up to you and what you are comfortable with and if thats not for you, then do not do it! Your mom sounds like a wise woman, but now that your the mom you can do whatever you feel is right:) Hope this helps, this is what we did and it worked for us but may not for you- Best of luck with your little man!
Oh, goodness! I'm so sorry you are not well! I was down and out about two weeks ago for 3-4 days and it was so difficult! I can relate! We have been down the "no sleep" road many times in the last 2 years. I don't know if you have a guest bedroom with another bed, but for quite some time I slept in our guest bedroom upstairs and attended to whatever baby was crying. Usually it was just one baby and I would bring them to bed with me and most times we would sleep till morning. With all of the girls, when we hit about 8-9 months we started "Ferberizing" or crying it out checking in on them at intervals of time. A little easier than complete crying it out. I will be praying that you find that magic formula that works for you guys. Just know that this stage is not permanent...I've had to tell myself that a million times in the last year. I hope you get some much needed rest this weekend!
I am a new commentor who lurked over from Kellykorner. We sound similar in parenting. The best advise I got was. After they first awake, give their nap no sooner then 2 hours, then after they wake for 2 hours, nap again. Then awake for at least 4 hours to sleep the night. We were not scheduled but they kind of did this on their own. I also found my boys would sleep the night better if they didn't have cereal, which is opposite of what I thought. Both boys did great til they were old enough to climb out of the crib, then the fun began.
No advice- just sympathy and prayer for you, girl! I'm happy to come sit a while and entertain a kiddo while you rest if that would help!!
Oh, sleep deprivation - how I loathe thee..... So sorry you're struggling so mightily with it!
My son and daughter were both in the 95%+ for height and weight, so I totally "get it" when it comes to big kids.
First, I want to dispell the "give them rice cereal" myth. They suggested that for my son, who was a terrible sleeper. I tried it at about 4 months -- and it was a HUGE mistake. It was SO different from the breastmilk he'd exclusively been on that he didn't digest it well -- and that made him gassy and gave him a stomach ache. Not only did it not work, it made it worse.
Second, good choice on going off the diet. The more you nurse, the more you'll lose anyway! I nursed my kids for 16 and 17 months. After about 9 months, I could hardly keep weight on. My son nursed 36 oz worth (i.e. 3 pounds) a day. Breastfeeding is the best diet anyway! And in order to keep up the supply, you need to keep eating healthy foods. Cutting out some high calorie foods / desserts is probably fine, but make sure you're getting a balanced diet rich in the good for you fats / oils. Those will also make the milk more "fatty" and thus keep him more full.
My son also loved (i.e. HAD) to be comfortable. If I put an extra blanket UNDER his crib sheet, thus making it cushier and so he couldn't feel the plastic, he slept MUCH better. Also, we used those sleep sacks instead of swaddling for him once he got a bit bigger. And (I probably shouldn't admit this), we put a pillow in with him sooner than is recommended -- as soon as he was able to roll both directions -- also added to the comfort he "required." To this day, if his bed / pillow isn't adequately squishy, he won't sleep.
Was he actually waking with the alarms and pages? He may be so used to them that his own room is TOO quiet.
Is his room really dark? At that age, it's not likely that he's afraid of the dark yet -- but keeping it so dark that he can't be stimulated by his environment when he should be sleeping might help. Again, my son is awakened by even a nightlight...and he's now 3.
And perhaps it's simply a phase. If you JUST moved him into his own room, maybe he just needs the reassurance that you're still there. Or maybe it's a growth spurt, and he truly does need a little bit more milk in his belly.
Praying you find the answers quickly and get the sleep you need. Until then -- enjoy nap time with your kiddos!
oh no! Poor thing! My daughter, Lauren, will be 17 months tomorrow. She starting sleeping 10-12 hours a night at 4 months. We let her cry but it's sooooo not bad. We didn't let her scream her poor little head off. We would only let her cry 3 minutes, go in her room, pat her back and talk to her. We would then leave.....wait another 3 minutes....same thing.....wait 5 minutes next....same thing....wait 8 minutes....same thing. We never got up to 10 minutes. After 3 nights, she got the hang of it. I'm a big believer that they have to cry. It's part of nature but I'd never let her get so upset. That would break my heart. Praying for you....
Ugh, that is rough! I know what you mean about loving your sleep! I wasn't a big fan of the cry it out method but when Caleb turned 4 months, we quit swaddling him and then we did the thing where we put him down awake, checked on him after 5 minutes, then another 10 minutes and so on. It was rough the first night but the second night he slept all night! He regressed after a week of sleeping all night but I realized it was because I was still putting him in the swing to nap and he was sleeping too long during the day. Once I stopped doing that, he has always slept through the night.
I know you don't like books but I have one that we got and used called the Sleep Easy solution. You can borrow it if you want and just read through it to see if it's something you want to try. It's not for everyone but it worked for us.
Oh, and my offer still stand to come watch Matthew when Caleb goes to the farm so you and JM can go to lunch. Or I can watch both and you can take a nap!
I don't usely comment but I found your blog from Kelly. I would take all of your friends up on their offer to help you. I know it may be hard to ask them because I know it is for me but you need to ask. Your children need you and so you need to take care of yourself and get your rest. I myself have 2 boys and I have been right where you are. Take care and get some rest.
I have no advice either just a LOT of sympathy since you know we have sleep issues too. And I am NOT A FAN of crying it out or parenting books either. I don't care if we do have sleep issues - I would not do those things again either. (I think it's great when people do - I just can't).
I'll be praying you get some rest. I know it's easy to get sick when you are exhausted. I got sick so much last year and it was because I never got any sleep.
Hang in there MA - I know it seems like you will always be exhausted. Hoping it's a quick stage.
I found your blog and had to comment. It's Amy from MOPS- I sat at your table last Friday. My Madelyn is the same age as Matthew (just quite a bit smaller- 12 pounds) and she has a big appetite and was waking up about two times to eat and I would feed her while passing out! The difference is, she is a bottle fed baby, but I have started putting cereal in her bottle at night. It makes it a little thicker (ok, I make it quite a bit thicker) but she gets filled up and will sleep longer. I also read in a parenting book (that was in a pile of things to go to Goodwill, because I don't usually read them either!) that by 4 months they should be able to sleep for lengthy stretches at night without a feeding, so I decided to just stop feeding her during the night. She will wake up and cry and I'll give her a pacifier and it's starting to work, although she usually ends up sleeping next to me the rest of the night! My dad told me that putting the cereal in the bottle with formula or breast milk (I use formula, because I don't produce any milk!) is easier because they understand how to eat it since they are used to sucking instead of using the spoon. But, if you want to continue breast feeding exclusively it might not be the right idea for you to introduce a bottle- that's just what worked for us! I know how you feel though, I don't know when the day will come that I don't feel tired! Also, I can't do the cry it out thing very well! I did better with Andrew then I do with Madelyn when it comes to that-I guess it's that mentality that boys are tougher than girls! Ha! I hope you feel better and start getting more sleep. If you're coming to MOPS on Friday, I'll have Madelyn with me and she and Matthew can meet!
No advice, but I'll be praying for you! That must be so tough!
Cxx
i really dont have too much advice but P had to be swaddled like no other, remember all those acid reflux issues we had???? that lead to some sleepless nights but once we got him on a schedule, he did so much better. also, he was a tummy sleeper from the get-go which was hard for me to put him on his back...so i have this wedge thing that we would swaddle him and then lay him on his side in the wedge so he wouldnt roll over. we did that until about 8 or 9 mths. so if you would like to borrow that wedge thing, let me know! i wont need it till july anyways :)
also, i am a gal that also functions on much needed sleep so i will be praying for you that you manage to get some!!!!
I have 3 kids; the first one was a sleep disaster...with the 2nd, we just put her in her bed and she went to sleep; we had a very short time when she would cry, but we did the Ferber method (wait 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, then 15...) and she was fine within 3 days...I too hated to let them cry, but realized that they have to learn to soothe themself to sleep...by our 3rd...he was a sleep champ...best of luck to you...I still remember my 1st and how tired I was!
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