- Don't let his sweetness fool you, look at those eyes of mischief!
So, what am I talking about? Screaming. Not just a scream, but a loud, shrill crowd-clearing scream. It's gotten a lot better in the last few weeks (it had gotten worse right after Matthew was born, probably due to not getting as much attention) but it showed its ugly head again today at playgroup.
It's so frustrating. He doesn't particularly care what we do to him. We work on these issues at home so that when we go out in public it will not be an issue. Well, not today at playgroup. I had my hands full with Matthew and there were so many people there. I know he can't talk a lot yet to tell us what he wants or needs. And I know it's hard at his age to understand why toys get taken away, etc. etc. but it's part of life!
I know it's a phase and it will pass but after today at playgroup I am SO over this phase. He is starting to only do it when he knows he can't immediately be punished. Like, in the check out line or when we're in a very public place. This kid is smart.
What do I do? I'm out of ideas of how to handle it when we're out and about and I'm out of ideas of how not to be embarrassed and turn red!
Now, have no doubt I love him all the time no matter what. We're still new parents who are just trying to figure all this stuff out! To scream or not to scream, that is John Michael's question!
10 comments:
Have you considered taking him home immediately when he has these outbursts, ending the activity he is engaged in? If you do this repeatedly he should get the message. If he chooses bad behavior, he chooses the conseqences. When you have an outing where there are no tantrums praise him to the fullest. This worked successfully when my children were young.
As a parent (for 17 years) and a teacher...ignore it! He wants your attention, he's getting it everytime he screams. He'll stop...trust me one day you'll realize that you have not heard it in a long time. It is hard - sorta like making them sleep in their own bed at night! You've got adorable kids.
I'm a "blog stalker" from Wyoming. :)
i hate to say it, but this is just the beginning. sounds like John Michael and my son riley are just alike...and i'm sorry but it gets much worse before it gets better (i'm still waiting for it to get better and my son will be 3 in May) i really have no suggestions for you, my son really acts up while we are checking out in the grocery store or while i am on the phone, it drives me up the wall and nothing works for him...we will spank him and that does NOT work...time out will work for a little while but then he just goes back to doing what he was doing before...some weeks are better than others and i can tell a little bit of a difference with him, so *crossing my fingers* it may be getting better for us...consistency is the key & i am not good about it at all..he will learn in time. hope it gets better soon!
I know it's driving you crazy, but I promise everyone else barely hears it. I think you are doing a great job with 2 kids and JM is just getting adjusted. I know some people have recommended taking "test trips" to the grocery store where you know you can just leave and punish. Maybe it's time to call Lisa and get some follow up to parenting class? :)
I second what Amanda said.....it really is much louder to you. We all know that it is something he's going through but I think you are doing so great with him and Matthew!
I agree - you're doing great! They are both such sweet, mild babies and no one even noticed!
I know that this isn't what you necessarily want to hear but, this is a healthy, normal part of his growing and learning period. Right now, he doesn't have the language skills to match his intense emotions and this causes him to act in these dramatic ways. I think he becomes overwhelmed by his feelings and his inability to convey them, that he just kinda falls apart or has a little "meltdown". He has been pretty demanding from day 1 and I think you and Jordan both deal with it in a very positive way. You both are good about letting him know rules and boundaries, but are both great at giving praise when he is good, when he says "Thank you", when he is sweet to Jack, and all the other "good" things he does everyday. They far outnumber the meltdowns or "naughty" times he has. JM needs to know his limits and he WILL test them...that is just part of his growing up. He is a really smart child, and I think as he grows up and can communicate better, he will better understand the reasons behind the rules and the consequences of breaking them. Just keep being the wonderful mother that you are. And your friends are right....they don't notice it as much as you do.
The screaming or any other defiant behavior boils down to this: it is a delicate balance of learning how to "break their will" without "breaking their spirit"! Now hard at all - HA
good books - Dr. James Dobson, The Strong-willed Child and Dr. Kevin Leiman (not sure of spelling), How to Break the Will without Breaking the Spirit.
Both books helped me immeasurably with your brother - boy did we go round in round for several years, but it helped!
Good Luck, you and Jordan will do great!
Also, never punish childish accidents (let them help clean up the mistakes they have made). Only punish the defiant behavior.
One more thing. Always make sure the child knows they are loved unconditionally, but that you do not like or approve of the BEHAVIOR (not them)!
This may sound stupid, but try whispering something in his ear. He has to calm down to hear you, and he is getting your attention, but only if he can be quiet. I've been there (times three kids). It stinks when they do it in public, but as long as you remain calm, I don't think very many people actually think anything of it.
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