This is the question I keep asking myself as we finish up these last few weeks of this pregnancy. Take away the whole "I'd rather die than have another natural birth" issue and I'm pretty excited. Theoretically, we're about 85% done with the nursery. I STILL have my stupid to-do list that I'm slowly crossing things off of (and poor Jordan, I'm ADDING to it daily) , and mostly things are washed and ready. We are heading in the right direction.
But, there's something else...
Is my heart ready? No one can explain what it means to become a mom. Words cannot describe all the wonderful ups and downs of your baby's first year as a first-time mom. Just as when you gave birth to your first baby and you never once could figure out how BIG and life-changing this love was going to be, how is it that your heart is going to divide, yet one more time, to love another child?
I once told Jordan that I thought having a baby was a lot like marriage. He asked me, how was that?! I responded that in the beginning you know you love this person so much! You're so excited and your love is just overflowing! As each day goes by, you learn more about your husband/baby, you get to know them even more and usually learn something new about them! As time passes, your love is still there, but it is ever-changing and evolving into something new. Jordan laughed and admitted that I was probably right!
Now, I have no doubts we are going to love this second child just as much. That's not so much my worry, I just wonder about the how. How does your heart divide? Is it instantaneous? Is it a separate and distinct yet equal kind of love because this child will be different, in many ways, from your first?
I'm curious, more than anything, to have two to love. How is it that God saw fit to bless us with two children? His faithfulness astounds me everyday.
Part of me is so ready to meet this little boy or girl, but then part of me is sad because now John Michael will never have ALL of me again. This whole year and a half he's been my little buddy, my little everyday companion. I've been blessed enough to be home with him and to witness every little first smile, first laugh, first crawl, first steps, first sounds that turn into words. I've seen it all, because we've never really left him much at all! I will forever be grateful for that.
Adding a second baby into the mix makes me wonder...will I be too busy to catch all those firsts for the second baby, will I be wholly present to see John Michael discover new things and grow and learn?
The truth is, I'm human. There are probably things that won't be done for this second baby that were done for JM. I probably won't have as much time to pour over details and read books to check on milestones. I probably will mess up...a lot, espeically during these first few months.
Basically, I'm just a mom trying to figure out the biggest mystery on earth: the miracle of new life! So, moms, what do you think? Do you have any advice for adding the second? Is it just as wonderful and awe-inspiring as when God blessed you with your first?!
There's only one way to find out, and I'm gonna have to wait a few more weeks...
11 comments:
Well, I don't know how helpful I will be, but I also had worries about having a second child. I have learned that your heart doesn't divide. It GROWS. I have to admit now that Jordan is here, Jackson does get less attention. Sometimes he is fine with it and other times he is not. I just have to recognize when he is coming to me, he needs me too. There are times I just have to explain that Jordan is a baby and as soon as I get done feeding her, ect....mommy will be with you. I try to spend time with Jackson when Jordan is asleep. We play together or if I when I have things to do, I let him help me if possible. Other times, I bust out his favorite movies and let him be entertained. Moms are only human and can only do so much. Don't stress yourself out with the little things and enjoy your children first and foremost. Next, take time for yourself. Jordan is 5 1/2 months old and so I take very little time to myself, but I'm learning that I'm a better wife and mother if I get some alone time. It takes a couple of months, but before you know it, you'll have a system and a schedule down that works for your family. Good Luck and God Bless!
Jaimi Edwards
Hi, Mary Avery! I have read your blog several times before, but I have never commented. I am a proud mommy of three, 3 and under, with baby #4 on the way! I did not have as much time to prepare for the next, but I, too, felt the same fears you are voicing. I don't think your heart divides; your love multiplies and for me it was instantaneous, as soon as I held that precious baby! So excited for you and your family! Being a mommy is wonderful, being a mommy of multiples is awesome!
I just want to echo these 2 ladies above. Had they not written the comments they did, I would be.
As I read your blog, all I could think about is that there is no divide. God just lets your heart grow bigger to hold and give more love!!! It happens with each recurring baby.
As Heather said, as soon as you hold the new baby for the first time, you will be awestruck by the wonder of life and your heart will feel as if it will burst with love for this new little one.
And after 18 months with this new baby, you will have a "track record" with it, just as you do JM now.
It will be tough taking care of 2, but you are smart, young, energetic and committed enough to do the job. Otherwise God would not have given you another baby when He did. So I say, some rough spots, adjustments, sleepless nights, etc., but before you know it, you and Jordan will be bonded as a family of 4, instead of 3. You kind of "morph" into whatever you need to do to love and take care of your family!!!
I am so proud of you both and how you handle things in life. Just let God stay your central focus, keeping your eyes on Him, and he will guide you and give you what you need to accomplish the premier task of MOTHERHOOD!!!! All will work out - don't worry, just pray and have faith.
Love to all
Mom/Meme
This is a great heartfelt post and echoes the thoughts of all mothers going through another pregnancy. Your mom and the two others are so right. Your heart grows and your love multiplies. God gave you a loving heart and I know that there is plenty of room in there for Jordan, JM, the new baby, and of course Jackson :) When you get to hold this sweet little one in a few weeks, you will fall in love all over again. We all will. Just rest and don't worry. We know your heart and your faith in God. Neither one will fail you. Just savor these last few weeks with your first born while we all eagerly await baby #2! BTW....Jordan's baby book has more blank pages than filled out ones...haha.
Love y'all and see you soon.
Such a sweet post. I obviously have no advice and have often wondered the same thing. I do know that everything will work out and you will be a wonderful mommy of two!
GIRL, I could have written your post word for word right before the twins came! I TOTALLY understand how you feel! I remember when we brought the twins home from the NICU, that first night I cried and cried while I was rocking Ella to sleep. I thought, Ella is still my precious baby (14 months at the time), I don't want to have to give any less of myself to her. Truthfully, it was harder on me than it was on her...my heart just ached. I'm the type of person who likes to have everything figured out, and it just so happened, that it wasn't going to happen overnight. It caused me great anxiety. The thing is, in your head you can't possibly figure out how things are going to work themselves out, BUT God is bigger than any thought, worry, fear, we could ever have and He ALREADY has it all figured out. So, leave the "how" up to Him. He will show you how BIG your heart is, and believe me, you're going to be amazed!!!
Oh, I had the same exact fears before my second was born. I have a three year old girl and a 5 month old boy. I remember the night before I was going in the hospital reading to my little girl and thinking this is the last time that it will just be the three of us and just me and her sitting on her floor reading bedtime stories and saying our prayers. I couldn't even get through the first book b/c I started crying. I asked everyone the same questions you are asking and everyone said the same thing all of these people are saying. I didn't believe it UNTIL I held my baby boy for the first time. Oh my, I felt like the Grinch when his heart grew three sizes!! It was so wonderful. And I loved my little girl in a new way too b/c it made my heart so happy to see her holding her baby brother and kissing him! It is true that your time will be more divided but that isn't near as bad as you imagine either. And I think I do more picture taking and milestone writing with my son than I did with my daughter b/c I know how fast they grow up and how even though you think you will never forget, you will forget. So, I just keep a calendar on my dresser and write something down everyday that they each do. Enjoy it.....it is amazing what God will allow you heart to do!
What a great post baby! I'm glad to see all the comments from everyone, as they help ease me as well as we prepare for our second child. I know we'll both be great parents of two, and have to work as a team (especially at first) to get the nighttime routines started and that kind of thing. And I'm sure we'll have some loving grandparents, aunts/uncles, friends, etc that will be around for the holidays to help us out around the house!
Love you,
Jordan
All I can say is:
Ditto! Ditto! Ditto! Ditto!
Dear Mary, Congratulations on your blessing #2!!!!!!!! This is my first visit to your blog and what a thrill to read about your exciting news! The ladies above have given you wonderful advice. Until the second one arrives you just don't think you can possibly have enough love and room in your heart for another child...and then you see and hold that new baby....OOOHHHH and the Lord "grows" you a whole new love for this child. Yes, you will be tired but remember to run to the Lord for your strength! If (when) they are both crying and your exhausted...take one minute and ask the Lord to give you a calm patience and to help see what needs to be done. One of the best pieces of advice that I would like to share with you is "Each child needs time ALONE with you each day, 10-15 minutes per child." I know this seems strange at this point...your with them ALL the time! But if you start with your infant and toddler, it will give you a window to each of you children's hearts over the years! This gave me a tremendous insight into each of my kids and you know where their heart and hurts are! My kids are now 14, 16 and 21 and it is now the best part of MY day. AND the big transfer is that your grown child will take the time they have spent alone with you and now spend that time alone with the Lord! That has happened with my 21! The 14 and 16 still like time with me but are already have their own time with the King!!!!! Oh, this is just for encouragement... I don't carry a diaper bag with me anymore and I sleep in and I eat my meal while it is hot and I don't have anyone knocking on the bathroom door....strange how I miss those times!!!!! Sorry for the long post...I will be checking back frequently to see when your new one arrives :-) Blessings, Donna
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